So I'm starting the process of packing up my place.  Fuck I hate packing.  I really just loath it with every cell in my body.  I'm putting everything that I'm selling in the garage sale in boxes. What isn't sold, goes straight to the food bank, or the Sally Ann.  Work has been decent.  This past week zoomed by.  The biggest challenge I have at work at the moment is my work space.  My other co-workers have clearly defined work spaces.  I don't.  My desk kisses the participant desk, where when people come in, they walk straight to my area.  The pick up my phone, they put their shit on my desk, they ask me questions while on the participant computer.  If one person is in the office, no big deal.  But when there are five participants in the office, who all hover around my desk, I feel claustrophobic.  Never mind some of the male participants who have a chip on their shoulders, because I am female.  They are hostile, because I'm an assertive female, who asks them to leave when they are drunk and disrespect my space.  I'm thinking, just 3.5 more months, and then I'll be done.  I've already started to tell participants that I'm leaving.  They have all been sad, and tell me that they will miss me very much.  My mind is starting to play tricks on me.  I'm already jumping a head to 15 months down the road, and the game of 'what if...', what if I want to stay longer in South Korea? What if I get back and C has found someone else?  What if I'm not ready to settle down when I get back.  These what if's are causing me concern.  I know that I have very little power over an event, that I have not experienced in this realm, but dammit!  What If?

My mother is driving me nuts.  She and I don't have the best relationship, and I know it hurts her, but for fuck sakes, don't call me everyday, I don't want to talk to you.  Most times she calls me, is to tell me news that she did, in the previous phone call, but she has forgotten.  I know, it's my decision to pick up the phone, but I feel like an asshole for having to screen my calls from my mother.  I know she's worried about her surgery, but give me some breathing room.

Yesterday, I had a flashback.  It wasn't very nice.  I went for a very long walk.  By the time I got home, I was able to find some possible solutions to what's going on.  I think I'm really feeling the effects of winter time.  I do struggle with the lack of sunlight.  I'm going to go and talk with my doctor about getting Vitamin B & D injections.  I need to be pro-active, rather than re-active to my struggles.  I'm glad that I did go for my walk.  I've been going for walks every day for the past 8 days.  I have lost my running endurance, which I'm disappointed with, but I know if I want to I can get it back, if I work hard.  I'm going to monopolize all the nice non-snow days, to walk outside, and then when the sky opens up and lays a layer of snow, I'm heading in-doors to the gym.

I'm feeling good about purging stuff from my place.  Sometimes I feel like, holy shit, I'm moving, from a place that was my home for the past 4 years.  And then after that I'm moving overseas.  I'm looking forward to the adventure.  I renewed my passport, am filling out the paperwork that I need to do to get my visa.  I am remaining budget conscious to what I'm able to do, such as get a criminal record check, and then get it notarized etc....  Currier fees etc...  I hope to have all of that done by January-ish.  But at the end of January, I'm heading to Vegas for a week.  That should be a blast.  I'm really looking forward to spending that time with C.  My feelings for him have grown and changed.  I am unable to imagine him not in my life, at this moment, that when I think to me choosing to move overseas, it hurts my heart to think of my leaving him.  It will be very hard.  I am someone who is not settled, and I truely feel that I need to have this adventure, so that I am able to move on with my life.  If that involves C in my life, I hope so, but if it doesn't, that is something that I really don't want to think about at this moment.

My car didn't start yesterday.  My battery is dying.  C is going to talk me through, over the phone, on how to clean my battery knobby things (extremely technical term). 

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.

K

I'm sad right now.  I found out, through the radio, that the latest murder victim was a participant of mine.  He was such a nice guy, not an aggressive bone in his body.  He would come to me and share the most personal things in his life with me; his addictions, his broken heart, how he wanted things to change.  I was definitely a support in his life.  Last time I talked to him, he had gotten himself to detox (which, both he and I worked really hard to get him there) and things were going really well for him.  I'm going to miss him. I'm glad that his darkness is finally over.

K

Hello to all,

Yes, as you can deduce from my subject heading, I have been experiencing drama at work.  Specific to one of the senior staff members.  Not my supervisor, but the person who is in charge of paying me my salary, making sure that my deductions are correct etc...

This person is extremely passive-aggressive.  She says she is intimidated by me, because "K is such an assertive person".  Interesting.  I missed 7 days of work due to Mother Nature trying to kill me, and had not filled out my excel staff time sheet.  My assistant manager asked me to fill it out today for the month of October.  Not a problem.  I started to fill it out, and realized that the person who is intimidated by me, well call her "A", still had my time sheet at me working 4 days a week.  I began to look at little closer, and realized that she had me collecting my sick days, and my holiday time wrong.  The way they have it set up at work is that you collect your holiday time every month, rather than get all of your time at once after a year.  Anyway, I went back 6 months in my time sheet and there was not a single month that had all the information correct.  I really got frustrated and pissed off.  My supervisor suggested I take it to my assistant manager, I did, she didn't look impressed.  Also, apparently "A" sent out an email stating how she won't put up with being treated in a specific way, and then sent another one apologizing for the first email.  I haven't been able to find this email in my work account.  My co-workers showed me the email they got from her, and it was sent to me.  So I'm curious to see if "A" went into my email account and deleted her emails.  

I'm telling myself, just 4 more months, you can hang in there.


My exciting weekend.  Well, C came up and we went to Peak A Boo by the Rosebud Burlesque Group.  It was a lot of fun, and I purposely dressed up, so that I would look smoking hot for C.  On Saturday, my friend brought over her little one, and her little one is the prettiest 10 month old whose name starts with 'H' that I've ever seen.  Then C&I drove down and took C, his daughter, niece, nephew, and two other kids, and with three other adults, we went trick-or-treating for 2 hours.  Then C and I went to friends of ours.  He told me that we were going to Rocky Horror, and that I was to get ready.  The friends of ours are quite into the kink scene, he's into sci fi, D/s, BDSM etc... and she's into nudity, bondage, having adventure etc... SO she, J, and I got ready downstairs.  S had corsets, stockings, lingerie, and a whole bunch more.  I, in trying to figure out an outfit, decided upon my black bra, black lace panties on top of my pink panties, a red garter belt, that held up black stockings.  I also had a red feather boa!  I totally did up my hair and make up in the smoking-hot-I-don't-give-a-damn look.  I also had three inch heel boots.  When we went upstairs, C's mouth hung open and he totally was giving me the hungry eyes stare.  We got our rice, cards, toast, water guns, and news paper ready.  We piled into a vehicle and went to the theater.  If it were not the 31st, I would have been arrested for what I was wearing in public.  S wore a black corset, black lace panties, and black knee high stockings, with black heels.  J wore a black bra, a black boob-less corset, and black leggings.  The three of us looked pretty fantastic.

We walked into the theater, me being 6'1 in heels, towered over lots of people.  Everyone stared at us, and then the comments of "good for you" "I wish I had your courage", came out.  I didn't hear any derogatory comments.  One drunk girl asked if she could grab my ass, I said she could, then she tried to feel me up, and I said that I didn't want that.  She told me that she wanted to "lay me down on the ground and have her way with me" in the I'm-so-drunk-I'm-not-too-clear-on-what-I'm-saying sort of way.  I say no thanks, and went and snogged with C in front of her.  Rocky Horror was a lot of fun.  Not many people in the crowd knew what to say.  I kinda was the one leading the pack. I got up and danced, threw rice, toast, and sprayed water around.  Yelled "Slut" and "Asshole" when appropriate, as well as all the other lovely things we do at RH.  C had a lot of fun, and is planning for the next time we can do it together.

Aside from that, there some other stuff going on, but I'll get to that in a later post.

Have a good one.

K

This will be my positive post.  Thank you so much to everyone who has helped me during this time.  I am very fortunate for the well wishes, and the items that were lent and given to me.  Those things have saved my sanity.  Thank you so very much.

K

Fuck this.  I hate quarantine.  I now have a cold as well.  I'm the sexiest bitch around, hear me wheeze.

The last day and a half has really sucked.  It all started Thursday October 15th at 1:30am.  That's when my body decided to have a kick off to sail_i_do's 23 hour vomit fest!  Where s_i_d vomits every hour on the hour!  Yay!  Then after talking to C, he strongly suggested I call the our local triage.  I used 411 (and was charged money) only to find out that I had to call the health line which.  I called, and after a 25 minute discussion with a nurse on the other line, she suggested I go to the hospital.  I called my mom for a ride, we got there.  As soon as I told the registering nurse I have been throwing up for the past 20-odd hours, she gave me a medical face mask and isolated me to a different room.  So mom and I were in this room for approx 3-4 hours.  She brought kitchen garbage bags to be used as barf bags.  I learned that you can't hold them too close to your face, because as you gag/vomit, the plastic gets stuck in your mouth and nose.  Fortunately I had no desire to suffocate myself.  I gagged every hour on the hour.  Lovely.  I gave a urine and blood sample.  The doctor was a bit blunt with me, during his internal interview.  
"are you pregnant"
"No I am not pregnant"
"Are you sure?  How do you know, are you sexually active, when was your last period etc..."
"(Responses to all of the questions)"
"We're going to take blood, run some tests, just to be sure"

Any where I went in the hospital, I cleared the hallways.  People say me shuffling, and they started walking in the opposite direction.  Even the drunk out of sorts guy, decided that I was more of a threat than his temper tantrum.

Was discharged after a dose of Gravol and potassium chloride (which is yucky with Orange Juice, and horrid on it's own). Slept, didn't puke at all today (yay).  The shitty thing is that I need to be quarantined (stay at home and don't leave the premises) until the 21st!  Can you believe that!  It's not even the end of day one and I am bored out of my mind.  I have a honking crossword puzzle book that I've started, and I've upped my tv package.  I hope that the next few days will go by much more quickly.

Hope everyone else is doing alright.

K

So I was able to check off something on my list, this past weekend.  I performed a striptease for C.  It was amazingly erotic, liberating, and bonding between him and I.  I prepped the room, got muffin tins and put tea light candles in them.  I won't look at tea light candles the same way anymore!  I got the furnace on, because when you are in the buff, it can be cold.  I put my face on, my hair, and my outfit.  I looked at my closet, and decided what would look best on, and would be able to take off easily.  I told him that I wanted to do this, on our drive from SC to S'toon.  He was very excited.  I got the room ready, myself ready, and chose the song 'Dancing in the Rain' by Robbi Draco Rosa.  It's a very sexy song.  I didn't premeditate what would happen, except that at first I would have clothes on, and at the end, I wouldn't.  Simple.  Right?  Actually, it was.  To see him look at me the way he did, I saw that primal instinct to dominate, to hunt, the male beast so to say.  His eyes met mine, my coy smile brought his sexy smile out.  He ended up sitting on his hands, because I told him that he could look but not touch.  I'm proud of myself.  I won't divulge any other details on here, because it was a special thing that we shared.  The one thing I will say is that sex in the candle light can be a wonderful experience.

K

So this has been a crazy week.

I get a letter to vacate, have a bit of a meltdown, get really really pissed off, cry many times (twice at work), and now I am transitioning my space from my home to a place that I rent from.  My landlady is yucky and has no soul.  I was in SC for the weekend, got home to a post-it note on my door saying we need to 'talk' this week.  I'm worried that I may not be able to 'talk' to her without being rude and/or aggressive.  From the research that I've done, she has all the right in the world to kick me out, so she can take this place.  Her reasons are "renovations" and "this will become the caretakers suite".  Spawn of Satan, I hope you brutalize her, from summers to come.  I could ask her for a stay, but that makes me feel like I'm begging to stay in a place that I have paid rent in for the past four years!  I'm not going to do that, she can go fuck herself if she thinks I'm going to ask pretty please with a cherry on top!  I have a lot of thinking to do in the next few months.

I talked to my mom a few times.  She offered that I could move back in.  I told her that I didn't think that was such a good idea, that it wouldn't be healthy for me to move back in.  She sounded sad and then said "I know I haven't been the best Mother..." that did it for me.  I told her that I meant no disrespect, but I couldn't move back in.  I have moved past that place in my life where I could live at home.  As of now, her lifestyle choices (alcohol) would not make that a good place for me to be.  Maybe it could be in the future, but not now.

SC was wonderful.  I really needed to lay in bed with C, have him wrap his arms around me, and tell me it's alright.  I shed some tears, he supported me, listened to my grumbling, and let me be me.  We spent time with his family and his family really likes me.  His one Grandfather was there, as well as an Aunt and Uncle, two cousins, his sister and her partner and their two children, his two brothers, his Mom and his Dad were all there.  We went ATV'ing which was fun.  They accept me.  They are how my family used to be, before my Grandparents died.  We used to always get together, spend time together etc...  C and I had sex in a pasture, which is another story on it's own.

Anyway, I'm going to get ready to wind down for the night.

Have a good one.

K

I am posting again, I didn't expect to be posting so soon.  I just got an eviction notice.  Holy Shit.  Not too sure what I'm going to do.  I guess 4 years at a place, doesn't mean much.  Anybody got a place to rent?

Hey All,

Sorry for the lax in posting.  Where to start....well, work has been quite busy these past few weeks.  Even more busy than normal.  But, with that, comes the zooming by of the months and the closer I get to leaving for Korea.  I am debating between asking for a leave of absence from work and then not coming back, or just quitting and not looking back.  If I ask for a leave, then when I get back, if can't find work in a sufficient time then I have something to fall back on.  But, I also just want to be done with my work place.  It's stressful, and the more I work there the less I'm liking about the management structure. Grumble, Grumble, Grumble...

I'm still running.  It is slowly, ever so very slowly, becoming easier for me to run.  I bought an ipod shuffle.  It's pretty cool.  I have an original ipod shuffle, that I got when I worked at Home Outfitters 6 years ago.  I collected enough HBC Points to get an ipod.  It was time to upgrade to the 21st century.

My mom found a very large growth on one of her overies.  It is the size of her fist.  And will be surgically removed.  Which means that I'll be staying there for a few days.  We'll see how it goes.

I'm planning on going to Vegas in January, and have put plans into motion.  I'm going with C.  C rock.  He's been a fantastic support for me, and I am quite lucky to have him, and other people in my support system.

Tomorrow is Take Back the Night.  We meet at Riverlanding at 7pm.  See you all there!

I've also begun the I-have-to-much-stuff-and-need-to-purge-tones-before-I-leave-over-seas.  So I might hit you up for some take my junk!

Anyway,  I need to get ready for my run today.  It's going to be chippery-fucking-cold.  

Will try to post more often.

K

So it's been a while, I apologize.  Summer is quickly disappearing and I am not ready for the next season to come.  I'm still running.  The 10km clinic is very hard to keep the pace.  I'm doing as much as I can.  I ran in the Terry Fox run on Sunday.  My time was a minute and 17 seconds faster than the last 5km race I did.

I broke up with G.  I told him, in a respectful way, that I didn't desire him sexually anymore.  When we do have sex, I'm not in to it.  He does give me pleasure, I just don't want it from him.  I think that we could be really good friends.  I enjoy spending time with him, talking with him, everything platonic.

I have a start date for Korea!  April 14th, 2010.  I will be in Korea that date. 

I have a meeting with the knee surgeon next week.  Hopefully I can get this whole buggered knee all patched up.  Also a wisdom tooth is trying to pop up.  I can completely related to a cranky teething child. It sucks.  I have a dentist appointment next week, as well, so we will see how things go.

I'm looking to reconnect with some friends that I have lost touch with.  So, if you feel as though you have lost touch with me, let me know.  Either through this medium, or another.

Anyway, I'm off to my running group.  Wish me luck!

K

Wondering if any of you WOW gamers who have partners have experienced this.www.questionablecontent.net (#1409) I laughed quite a bit when I read today's comic.

Hey All,

I'm kinda back from my adventure.  I'm not back in the city, but will be sometime this or next week.  Ok, here goes a kinda recollection of this past week.

Sun August 23: Went to Moose Jaw, hung out in the mineral waters  (twice).  Found out that I needed a new bathing suit because my hinney was visible through my suit.  Went for my run.  Slept in a Wal Mart parking lot.

Mon August 24: Went to Regina, went to AC/DC.  Concert was awesome, mind blowing.  Hung out with C, slept in Wal Mart parking lot.

Tuesday August 25: Drove to South Dakota, went through North Dakota.  Crossing the border was a bit of a challenge, because apparently I didn't remove the proper work visa document from my time teaching sailing 4 years ago.  The border guard gave me shit, for it.  Also gave C&me shit because we hadn't signed our passports.  On the way to South Dakota, we passed an accident site invloving a semi truck, a bicycle and a kid's helmet.  Made it to some town in South Dakota, and slept in a Truck Stop and had a shower there.

Wednesday August 26: Drove to Mount Rushmore, walked around there, and then to Sturgis.  Went to a motorcycle museum that was fantastic!  Saw an original 1911 Indian motorcycle, a Harley Davidson that had over 1,000,000 miles on it.  Drove to Wyomin. Went for a run, showered in a truck stop and stayed in a Wal Mart parking lot.

Thursday August 27: Drove through Montana, Idaho (which was absolutely gorgeous and one of my favorite parts about the trip).  Norther Idaho is absolutely gorgeous.  It is mountinous, with beautiful lakes around it.  Had a fantastic bbq buffalo burger there. Ended up in Washington. Stayed in a Truck Stop parking lot.

Friday August 28: Drove to Seattle, spent time there. I loved Seattle.  The drive there was fantastic.  Went to the Science Fiction Hall of Fame and the Experience Music Project.  At the SCHoF say so many wonderful things.  Including original Star Trek outfits worn by Captin Kirk, and the comanders chair he sat in.  Original manuscripts for the tv show and for the movies.  Battlestar Gallactic props, outfits, etc...  Phasers from the various tv shows.  The "pitbull" hover thing from Back to the Future movie.  The larges 3D Deathstar, used in Star Wars IV.  At the EMP, went to the Jimmi Hendrix gallery.  Saw some of his outfits, hand written letters, and lyrics.  Also some of his guitars, etc...Handwritten lyrics to "Lump" by the Presidents of United States of America, amazing artifacts etc...  I will go back to Seattle.  I fell in love with the city. Drove past the first Starbucks.  Also, if you are getting a Vanilla Bean frappichino, add a cinnamin dolce shot in it, as it tastes like Cinnamin Toast Crunch cereal minus the crunch.  Drove two hours out of Seattle and stayed in a gas station parking lot.

Saturday August 29th: Drove from two hours out of Seattle to Home (1500-ish km's) Made it to Medicine Hatt and then went and saw some strippers.  They were not so good, so we drove back to Swift Current.  Still here. 

Sunday August 30th: Slept most of the day away.

Don't want to go back to the city just yet.  There are new aspects to a family member of mine who is dealing with addiction.  Their organs are begining to shut down and I am not ready to deal with the bullshit.  I do know that if it comes to an organ transplant, I will not be giving this to her.

Will post more about life, but now I'm going to go and snuggle with C

Getting ready to go on my in-vehicle adventure.  C and I converted a van to a camper-ish (air mattress in the back with no seats).  We are going to Moose Jaw today, AC/DC tomorrow, and then we are heading either West or South.  Not too sure which, perhaps both.  I am still keeping up with my runs for the 10km race the end of October.  Let me tell you, I hate running.  I hate it, can't stand it, and I look forward for it to be over.  But! Once it is over, I love it.  I feel fantastic, accomplished, and fabulous (albeit a bit sweaty).

Brought my passport, in case we cross the boarder.  Hope we do, perhaps there can be some practical shopping happening at a recession-blow-out price?

Got a mani-pedi done.  My nails are a hussy red colour.  C loves them, especially when my hands are wrapped around certain appendages.

Bought the first season of the Big Bang Theory.  We stayed up until close to 3am (grandma decided to stay up late).  I now have the theme song in my head.

I now will go and wake up a handsome and dashing man, whom I like a lot, who is sleeping.

K

I so love Karma...you rock my world.

So I did it!  I ran/walked my first 5km race.  I didn't do as well as I would have wanted to, but I learned a lot.  So I feel that I am better prepared for the next race (yes there will be more to come).  I am very proud of myself.

K

Tomorrow I run a 5km race!  I'm excited, and am looking forward to completing the race.  G, my mom, and my sister are going there to show their support.  G has improved in my books.  It's been six months of 'whatever' it is that we are.  G, his roommate, and I went out folkfesting yesterday.  It was a lot of fun.  I'm going to a zombie walk tonight, so I need to get my outfit ready.  Then I'm up at 5am tomorrow morning to eat, get ready, warm-up, stretch, make it to the event, run, and then finish!

Have a good one.

K

Hey All,


Still alive and kicking!  I'm wrapping up my 'learn to run' clinic with a 5km run this Sunday.  Today I registered for a 10km clinic.  The clinic starts August 25th and ends Oct 27th.  I am planning on running a 10km race afterward. 

This episode of Days of Sail_I_Do (dramatic music in the background), I have accepted an offer of employment in South Korea for Spring 2010.  Exciting! (yes), but there is much to do between now and when I leave.  If any of you know my employers, please keep this on the DL.  I will tell them when the time is right, and now is not the right time.

G&C are still in my life.  I dropped the L word (I will let everyone guess what word it is hint: not lasagna) to C.  He dropped it back.  It was a magical moment which has not repeated itself.  I feel that I need to be transparent with how I feel, and that was how I was feeling at that particular moment in time.  I do not feel pressure to say the L word at all times.  But he knows how I feel, and I know how he feels.  

G on the other hand.  Well, I could do without G.  But, thankfully G balances my life.  He is very career orientated, doesn't want to be tied down (in more ways than one) and is going places in life.  He has a plan and dammit he will follow that plan to the letter.  Well loyal viewers, s_i_d is not a plan type of gal.  I am a we'll see what happens in the future, but in the mean time will worry and exaggerate all possible solutions.

Also, I am so damn glad that the exhibition is over.  Can I get a Woot Woot!  No more 11:00pm fire works when I am just about asleep.  No more random people parking their vehicles in my lot.  No more drunk-as-a-skunk annoying girls screeching "Brad, I'm so horny....just fuck me" (not kidding at all) out side of my window.

The city is gearing down from a cool summer and getting ready for fall.  I'm taking G to folk-fest.  See what he thinks of it.

Anyway, I'm off.  Have a good one.

K

Hey all, it's been a long time since I've posted.  Still alive and somewhat kicking.  My biggest challenge these days is to not self-sabotage my weight loss.  I'm almost below a weight that I have not seen in many years.  Getting there has brought up many different emotions.  Fear of; feeling attractive, achieving my goals, moving on in life etc... So it's been a bumpy ride lately.  I have experienced this before, especially when I am close to weight loss milestones.

Also, I applied for a job in South Korea.  I had a job interview earlier this week, and will see how it goes.  I'm excited for it, I'm ready for an adventure.  Some secondary thoughts were, do I let this thing with G go on until I leave, or should I end it?  I'm not very happy, and I need to have a talk with him. (Yikes!)

Also, am I ready to leave C for a whole year.  He has become so much of my life that I believe it will be quite a challenge to not have him within a 2 1/2-ish hour drive away.  But these things in life happen because I make decisions that allow me to have adventures.  If I get the job I'll be leaving in March.  Work still doesn't know about this.  I'm thinking of asking them for a year leave of abscense.  We'll see.  I'm ready to transition on, but it doesn't hurt to have a back up plan.

Aside from that, the running group is going well.  I'm very impressed how well I'm doing.  By that, I mean that my heart does not stop beating after every run.  Yay!

Anyway, I'm off to go an do very adult things with C.  Have a good one!

K

Visual confirmation on Spawn of Satan.  The fuck-head and his two friends were playing with a toy gun that fires plastic pellets at things you aim at.  I kept hearing this ping out of my window, thought I would investigate.  Decided to go and work on my boat.  Two males and a female (teenage-ish) were trying to be 'cool'.  I glared at them like the cranky old woman that I am, and went to work on my boat.  The two guys thought that I wasn't seeing them ducking and aiming at me.  I was thinking 'go a head, give me an excuse to call the police'.  Then my thoughts wandered to going to the trial, the judge asking for proof that they were a menace, me providing this journal with the sufficient documentation of my battle with the SoS.  It was quite apparent that the two boys were just getting into girls, and vying for her attention.  I had it with those fuckers, and decided to go for a motorcycle ride.  I made sure that when I started the bike, I gave it some good few revs and glared in their direction.  Is it unhealthy to such a fucking dislike for someone else?  Couldn't he have given in to my wishes and fallen into a well somewhere?